• Ben Culhane

Want to Really Love Your Man?

Updated: Mar 13, 2019

I have shared this poem by Lisa Citore with the couples I work with and often hear such passionate and positive feedback from both men and women. I've read sections of it as part of a connection process in my Deepening Intimacy Workshop and the feedback I receive from the experience is nothing short of magical.

So, I am sharing her poem here in hopes that couples can see themselves in the lines of love or at the very least FEEL the longing to receive this form of love from their lover. Perhaps it will become a shared goal of how you love or want to be loved you partner.


If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him. Find the one whose eyes are like blazing suns, that make you look away the first time, that pierce right through you, blinding you to everything but the moment, melting you into a puddle of soft pastel light, even though you cringe at the color, pink.

The one who stops your thinking, who sends your lashes fluttering and all the blood rushing to your cheeks. The slow-to-speak-one, whose smile is like a flute, who summons honey bee songs, blossom songs and morning bird songs with his listening.

The fallen-sky-one with the mark on his back, where he lost his feathers from flying too close to a star.

The broken one in search of his wings, who tells you the story of how to make fire.

If you want to change the world, love a man beyond your fear of being burned.

Beyond unforgiveness and the walls you’ve built to protect your sovereignity and anonymity.

Love him beyond old wounds and lies you believed to be truth, the hole in your heart from an absent father, the scar on your sacred flower left by thieves.

Beyond past lives and the memory you keep like a shrine to betrayal when you fell to your knees in the ashes of your village, and love became a field of bones.

Lift your darkened face to him who stands before you. Take his hand and let him raise you to your feet.

Trust him to hold you as you tremble and weep in his arms for all that has been lost and found in this holy instant.

If you want to change the world, love a man Beyond your faithlessness and your secret hatred of humanity Beyond all your judgment and self righteous projection.

The stone on your heart is as ancient as the thought that you had to deny His existence to know your power.

You are no less God than you ever were. Man is no more guilty than Woman is innocent.

Love him for bearing the burden of desire in his sex so your temple could remain whole unto itself- for taking on the split aspect of mind that seemed to abandon the oneness of heaven so that you might know the joy of Its extension.

Love the ecstatic, primal root castrated by religion as the root of all evil- the channel of divine creative impulse- that sparks the seeds of life, death and birth from the womb of space and time.

Love the humble guardian and warrior Man has been to Woman even as he hunts her, even in his drive towards self gratification, which ultimately is the portal to soul union.

Love the violator who holds the mirror to everything you have disowned within yourself- so that all your desire, your creative impulse may be freed from the chains of separation, lack and guilt and you can finally trust your Self.

If you want to change the world, love a man in all his instinctual animal nature, in all his hunger and devotion to beauty.

Love him beyond your vanity and pridefulness, your gilded possessiveness and need to special- beyond your well thought out conditions for safety and all your concepts of how a man should be in relationship.

Love him beyond your anger at not getting your way, beyond your terror of not knowing or being in control.

Love him in his relentless pursuit to penetrate the deepest sanctuaries within you, that hold the chaos of your strongest emotions, your carefully guarded secrets of separation between light and dark, virgin and whore, man and woman, spirit and form.

Love him for opening the door to sensuality, to your primordial self that is beyond duality, for binding you to pleasure even as the air closes in around you, even as you writhe with madness, cursing your incarnation as the enemy- even as you contract and claw, crying out in despair, such joy it brings.

Love him for not yielding to your resistance to surrender- for standing in his masculine power even as you threaten to destroy him.

If you want to change the world, love your man for leaving you to live his purpose, whether it’s for a day, a week, months or years.

Love him for breaking his own heart over and over- for holding the tension and balance of polarity and intimacy, of distance and closeness.

Love his need for silence and solace- for keeping some of his mystery to himself- not that he has anything to hide, but so you will always have surprises!

Love his evolutionary nature that seeks new experiences, that can never be satisfied- for his boundless curiosity, that if allowed to be free might be your own liberation from complacency.

Love him for shining independently from the seat of his own majesty- for not needing, yet choosing you from a place of knowing his magnificence.

Love him for being your patient direction and destiny- for returning to you your own brightness through the dark night- for helping you to remember the one and only relationship you’ve ever had and tried to forget- for bringing you to that vulnerable, powerless abiding place of surrender you’ve been afraid of and waiting for all your life- where you can finally be consumed by Love- where you can finally be claimed by God.

--Lisa Citore

© 2018 by Ben Culhane, Psy.D. 

Marriage & Couples counseling for adults who are struggling in relationship and love, looking to go deeper in connection and communication located in Newport Beach, California | serving the surrounding irvine, san diego, los angeles, laguna beach, newport beach, mission viejo, rancho santa margarita, costa mesa,and huntington beach